if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
