I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
