she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
