I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
