We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Randomize
