Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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