sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
