Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Randomize
