you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Randomize
