I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
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