Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Randomize
