I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
