Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize