tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
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I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
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He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?