How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
