Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
The 17 Most Horrible Things Said To Online Daters
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?