I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
