FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
She needs sedatives and a leash
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
