i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Randomize
