We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
