dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
