Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Randomize
