I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
