If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
