i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Randomize
