he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
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