so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
