Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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