i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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