New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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