im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
