I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
