also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
