No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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