Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
