your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
