well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
