too bad you live with your parents still
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
