Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
