Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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