I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I can't turn off my feet"
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I just forgot I was standing up.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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