party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
