I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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