We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Randomize
