john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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