Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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