sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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