After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
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I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
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College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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