im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
