i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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