you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
