The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
