his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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