Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
