the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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