listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
