I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
and she was petting her beer can
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
