I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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