he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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