Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
