____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
lets start a swedish sibling band together
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Randomize
