Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
This is classic penis vs brain.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
