I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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