Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
