Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
