You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
